One of the biggest obstacles to creating a better tomorrow is how difficult it can be to take responsibility. It can be frustrating to see others not taking responsibility (for what they have done or could do) to make a positive difference. At the same time, taking responsibility and facing possible criticism, failure, or even harm we might do despite our best intentions can feel scary. Radical responsibility can open up new possibilities, be empowering, and create a better tomorrow for us all.
Three Ways We Avoid Responsibility
Some people might seem allergic to responsibility, avoiding any semblance of it. This is often rooted in anxiety, fear, and feeling powerless because of past experiences and the way they see others criticized. Engaging in cynicism, criticism, and blame can feel much safer.
- Cynicism is the belief that nothing I do or anyone does will make a difference, so you can justify disengagement (often with sophisticated rationale).
- Criticism focuses on how others are doing it wrong or imperfectly and positions us in the role of judgment and evaluation of others. This can feel much safer than putting ourselves in a position to be criticized.
- Blame puts the responsibility on others, absolving ourselves of any responsibility (which is often just an abdication of our responsibility).
Radical Responsibility
Radical responsibility can open up higher levels of functioning in organizations, in relationships, and within ourselves. I love the Conscious Leadership Group‘s encouragement to take 100% responsibility, nothing more and nothing less.
The “100% responsibility” is self-explanatory, even if it might be scary. The “nothing more and nothing less” cleans things up. “Nothing more” means not taking responsibility for anyone else’s responsibility. “Nothing less” means taking responsibility for your words, actions, inactions, and more. The video above provides a good example from an operating room.
Focus on your side of the street.
I often discuss radical responsibility as focusing on “your side of the street.” I imagine a neighbor across the street. I am 100% responsible for what happens on my side of the street. I’m responsible for what I do and don’t do. Even when it isn’t my fault, I am responsible for how I tend to or do not tend to something. If a storm blows down debris in my yard, I’m not responsible for the storm but for cleaning it up. My neighbor is 100% responsible for what happens on their side of the street. When I do not take responsibility for my side of the street, I am not taking 100% responsibility. When I take responsibility for how my neighbor should do things on their side of the street, I take more than 100% responsibility.
Taking Radical Responsibility
This “street” visual is helpful in less tangible situations. For example, if I am in conflict with my supervisor, I can think about my side of the street and theirs. It can be easy to fall into cynicism (they’re awful and always will be, nothing I do matters), criticism (it’s all their fault, and let me list the reasons…), and blame (they have to fix it, they’re in charge). However, taking radical responsibility has me focusing on how I have contributed and can contribute to improving the relationship. Even though my supervisor is in a position of power, how could I better empathize, connect, contribute, and even co-lead the relationship? I cannot take responsibility for making, expecting, or demanding that my supervisor be any different than they are. That would be more than 100%, their side of the street, and beyond my control. However, I can take responsibility for making a request, offering my perspective, and responding differently to their last-minute requests. These things are all my responsibility, my side of the street, and within my agency.
Radical responsibility can seem scary, but most folks experience it as liberating and empowering. They realize just how much agency they have and put their focus there while also recognizing what is beyond their control and stopping spending their time and energy over there.
What could radical responsibility look like for you? In what aspects of your life might it be transformative?
