Empowering transformation for better tomorrows will take all of us. This includes engaging men effectively. Ignoring, dismissing, or even demonizing men because they experience privilege as a dominant group isn’t serving any of us. Engaging men—individually and collectively – benefits men, people of all genders, and our society as a whole. Not doing so, has consequences for us all.
The Problem: Men Are Hurting
- Hurting Others
Men’s socialization contributes to a range of issues, including traffic accidents, suicide, depression, sexual violence, bullying, gun violence, and binge drinking. These issues impact not only men but everyone around them. - Being Hurt
Except for sexual violence, men are more likely to be victims of violence, often at the hands of other men. They are less engaged in education at almost all levels, particularly men who experience intersecting forms of oppression, like racism and classism. Men also face significant physical and mental health challenges, including shorter life expectancies. - Both/And
Many discussions focus on men either as perpetrators or as victims—rarely both. Some want only to highlight the harm men cause, while others prefer to focus solely on the harm men experience. Neither view captures the full picture or provides insight into effective solutions. As bell hooks reminds us, binary thinking is dominator thinking. Real understanding requires acknowledging both realities.
Current Gaps in Addressing Men’s Issues
Although recent mainstream attention to men’s issues is encouraging, much of it falls short in one or more of these ways:
- Ignoring Men
When we do not critically examine men as gendered beings, we maintain and strengthen men’s dominance and privilege by making men’s gender normal, normative, and invisible. - Pointing Out Problems Without Addressing Root Causes or Solutions
Many conversations highlight issues but lack exploration of their underlying causes or offer actionable solutions. - Looking to the Left or Right for Answers
Some lament that the political left ignores men’s issues while the right gets it wrong. What if instead of looking to the left or the right for solutions, we invited men to look within? - Treating Men as Monolithic
Discussing men as monolithic, ignoring cultural masculinities, multiple identities, and intersectionality of men’s experiences.
The Roots: Rigid Gender Norms and Patriarchy
Patriarchy and rigid gender norms harm people of all genders. These roots of oppression place men above people of other genders, place some men above other men, and limit all men. Paradoxically, the very system that grants men privileges also restricts and harms them.
Toward Solutions
- Engage Men with Connection, Empathy, and Accountability
Real change isn’t achieved through judgment or dismissal. Transformation requires empathy, accountability, and connection. - Build Coalitions Across Gender
This isn’t a zero-sum game. People of all genders are harmed by rigid gender roles and patriarchy, and we can all benefit from dismantling them. Working together creates a stronger path forward for everyone. - Include All Genders
Excluding trans folks when discussing issues of gender makes them invisible, further marginalizes them, and ignores all we can learn from them about expansive definitions, identities, and experiences of gender that can benefit all of us. - Foster Men’s Enlightened Self-Interest
The same system that grants men concrete and real privileges is also harming men. Despite the privileges men receive because of their gender, they would be better off without those privileges, instead gaining authenticity, humanity, healthier relationships, well-being, equality, and collective liberation without the restraints that come with those privileges. When men realize their enlightened self-interest, they become more consistent, sustainable, and effective at working for social change for us all. - Toward Authentic Masculinity
We certainly want to move away from toxic definitions of masculinity that harm men and the rest of us. A move toward healthy masculinity is an improvement; it is still an externally defined version of how men should be. It is perhaps a better mask, but it is still a mask. Authentic masculinity is individually defined and allows each person who identifies as a man to decide what is genuine and authentic about being a man for him. - Engage Men in Your Life
Whether they are colleagues, sons, partners, fathers, neighbors, or friends, we can engage the men in our lives with compassion and empathy, holding space for accountability and supporting them in becoming the men they aspire to be. - Create Social Change
Personal transformation is essential, but if we don’t also address the broader systems that socialize men, we will always be swimming upstream. Social change is not only needed but also filled with possibility. We can create meaningful change in our spheres of influence in our homes, communities, schools, cities, and beyond. The right goals and effective strategies can help create change.
Engaging men in these ways doesn’t just benefit men. It creates a ripple effect that helps everyone—making our world a more empathetic, authentic, and just place for all. My book Unmasking: Toward Authentic Masculinity explores all of this in greater depth. If you are interested in bringing this conversation to your organization, let’s connect.
