If you want to be a better leader and person, creating something better, few tools are as powerful as your attention. While time may be the most precious commodity, attention determines how we use it. Time is external and fixed, but attention is internal and within our control.
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on where I place my attention—both consciously and unconsciously—and its profound impact. An Instagram post by Brandon Stanton (Humans of New York) caught my attention, emphasizing how what we focus on expands and how modern distractions hijack our attention.
This brief example illustrates how powerful our attention can be. Had I not already been paying attention to my attention, this insight might have passed me by—a perfect illustration of Stanton’s point. The more I focus on attention, the more I notice insights about it, both in myself and others. Had I been paying attention to Japanese culture, I might have gravitated toward another article or link. What we pay attention to expands.
Singular Attention
Most of us like to think of ourselves as multi-taskers who are good at doing multiple things simultaneously. We are not. We are kidding ourselves and others. Multi-tasking is actually not doing two things at once it is quickly switching our cognitive awareness (attention) from one thing to another. In doing so, we lose enormous efficiency, focus, and creativity.
For the best results, focus on one thing entirely, giving it your fullest attention. Give your complete attention for short periods (maybe 20 minutes), and then give yourself a quick break (look out the window, get a glass of water, run to the bathroom., etc.).
Mindfulness is complete attention to the present moment. And then this present moment. And then this one. In a culture that has commodified your attention and constantly demands, affirms, and lionizes multi-tasking, this kind of singular focus is radical and can feel almost luxurious.
Why “Not Paying Attention” Fails
Many leaders want to stop certain habits—spending too much time on their phones, micromanaging, or obsessing over fears. But trying to not pay attention to something is nearly impossible.
Let’s try it: for the next five seconds, don’t think about a pink elephant. You probably just thought about one. That’s because the brain is terrible at not thinking about things. It can, however, shift focus toward a new thought. If you were successful in not thinking about pink elephants, you intentionally chose something else to think about, like a green dragon. You can’t not think of pink elephants, but you can choose to think about a green dragon.
When my kids were little and had bad dreams, talking about how monsters weren’t real only made them focus more on monsters. Instead, I shifted their attention to positive things: favorite memories or fun plans.
The same principle applies to leadership. If you want to stop focusing on the weeds of operations, don’t fixate on avoiding them. Instead, direct your attention to where it matters—your strategic vision, key relationships, or long-term goals.
Focus on Resonance, Not Deprivation
What we pay attention to expands—not literally, but in our experience. For example, if I want to be less distracted by my phone, focusing on how often I use it or why it’s bad won’t help. My attention will remain on the phone.
Instead, I focus on the resonant part of my goal – like being more present—how it feels, how it improves relationships, and how it aligns with my values. Focusing on resonance with what I want is far more effective than focusing on deprivation or annoyance.
So if there is something you want to avoid or let go of, you’ll have more success focusing on the resonance. If you’d like to avoid alcohol, you can find a great kombucha you look forward to. If you want to avoid mindlessly being on your phone, focus on indulging in reflection, brainstorming, or daydreaming moments. If you want to stop being so frustrated with your co-workers, focus on their talents and strengths or focus on the other colleagues you do appreciate. Pay attention to resonance.
This applies to relationships too. Fixating on someone’s flaws magnifies them, often distorting the relationship. Shifting attention to their strengths and contributions can foster appreciation and connection. It can also help give you perspective when you may have lost it.
Your Turn
Attention is one of your most important tools. Where are you placing yours? What do you want to expand in your experience? Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, direct your attention toward what resonates with your goals and values.
