Too often, “managing emotions” is equated with “making emotions go away.” But emotions are part of what makes us human. To deny our emotions is to deny a profound and powerful part of the human experience.
Emotions are not obstacles to overcome — they can be sources of insight, energy, and connection. Yet many of us have been socialized — culturally, systemically, and interpersonally — to suppress certain emotions, overexpress others, or channel them in ways that can harm ourselves and others.
As leaders, we can begin to think of emotions as valuable resources — for ourselves, for those we lead, and for the organizations we steward.
Of course, emotions can also undermine us. Unprocessed emotions can leave us triggered or return us to our trauma and lead to disengagement, broken trust, toxic environments, and burnout. But when we process emotions skillfully, they can bring resonance, vitality, and a sense of aliveness to our teams, movements, and communities.
This is one of the biggest challenges behind the scenes for the leaders I work with directly. This is also something I’ve been learning and leaning into in my own practice. The work of leadership is not to avoid emotions, but to navigate them — with literacy, fluency, and skillful processing.
Emotional Literacy
Emotional literacy is the ability to recognize and name emotions at the most foundational level.
- “I am angry.”
- “I feel sadness.”
- “I’m experiencing fear.”
There are several different ways of naming the different core emotions. For instance, researcher Paul Ekman has identified five core emotions across cultures as fear, anger, sadness, joy, and disgust.
Recognition often begins in the body — a tightening of the chest, a lump in the throat, a sinking feeling in the gut. After all, we call them “feelings” for a reason.
Naming emotions to ourselves is a powerful first step toward processing them. Naming them to others opens doors to empathy, understanding, and connection.
Emotional Fluency
Emotional fluency builds on literacy by adding specificity and nuance.
Fluency means recognizing not just the core emotion, but also the complex, layered emotions underneath. It also means noticing with more detail where and how emotions live in the body:
- “It feels like a throbbing in my belly.”
- “There’s a tightness across my shoulders.”
Instead of simply saying, “I’m angry,” we might recognize and name:
- “I’m frustrated.”
- “I feel slighted.”
- “I’m enraged.”
- “Underneath my anger, I actually feel hurt.”
Emotional Processing
Emotional processing is how we engage with our emotions, rather than getting stuck in, overwhelmed, or hijacked by them.
Below is a simplified three step practice. We’ve already covered steps one and two.
- Feel in your body with specificity and nuance. “I feel an ache in my belly, right above my navel.”
- Name what you are feeling, with as much precision as possible.
“I feel angry — but underneath that, I notice a fear of not being valued, a fear of being left out or abandoned.” - Allow, feel, and notice the change.
“The sadness is an ache in my belly that is moving up toward my chest. Now it feels like an angry burning sensation between my collarbones. Now it’s softening into a lump of sadness in my throat.” The key here is not to make or force them change, which isn’t allowing. But to simply let them and notice when and how they do change. As Buddhists often say, “what we resist persists.” The key is to notice and allow emotions to move — without forcing change or rushing the process. Emotions, if given space, often shift naturally. - Invite the learning. You might ask yourself (or someone else) who has processed the emotion, what does this have to teach, offer, inform, or gift? This is important to do when the emotion is still present but well processed. If you jump to this before have processed the emotion, it can lead to some of the more toxic aspects. If I’m angry, it might tell me this person deserves to be yelled at. Once I’ve processed the emotion, it might tell me that I need better boundaries around how I engage with this person.
Leading with Emotions
When we develop our emotional literacy, fluency, and processing skills, we become connected to ourselves and others. We not only tend to our own emotional ecosystems, but we also become more skillful in tending to the emotions of others—individuals, teams, and entire organizations.
Leaders who ignore emotions, manage them away, or let them take control often undermine themselves and breed mistrust and disconnection. Leaders who can skillfully navigate emotions build cultures of trust, aliveness, and authenticity.
- How skillful are you at feeling, naming, and processing your emotions?
- How skillful are you at helping others feel, name, and process their emotions?
- How skillful are you at helping groups of people feel, name, and process their emotion?
Leading for Equity
If you are interested in exploring this more, particularly related to leading for equity, our Evolve program is a great opportunity. You can learn more about Evolve here and sign-up for more resources, information, and to connect here.
Learn More
- Brach, T. (2003). Radical acceptance: Embracing your life with the heart of a Buddha. Bantam Books.
- Brach, T. (2019). Radical compassion : learning to love yourself and your world with the practice of RAIN. Viking.
- Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection & the language of human experience. Random House.
- Dethmer, J., Chapman, D., & Klemp, K. (2015). The 15 commitments of conscious leadership : a new paradigm for sustainable success. Conscious Leadership Group.
- Ekman, P. (2003). Emotions revealed: Recognizing faces and feelings to improve communication and emotional life. Times Books.
- Kimsey-House, H., Kimsey-House, K., & Sandahl, P. (2011). Co-active coaching : changing business, transforming lives (3rd ed.). Nicholas Brealey Pub.
- Kornfield, J. (2008). The wise heart: A guide to the universal teachings of Buddhist psychology. Bantam Books.
- Siegel, D. J. (2010). Mindsight: The new science of personal transformation. Bantam Books.
