I’ve been talking with some of the higher education leaders I coach about the focus of their leadership. We’ve all seen self-focused leaders. The role becomes about them: what they deserve, the respect they’re owed, their elevation, and how it might position them for their next move. If we’re honest, most of us have been that leader at moments too. Great leadership, though, is ultimately not about the self. It’s about being of service.
A Conflict Within
This tension lives inside all of us. In one moment, we might be tempted to be selfish, and in the next we’re pulled toward service. The difference shows up most clearly when things get hard: when we face difficult decisions, when things don’t go our way, when we’re criticized.
When our focus is on ourselves, we take all of that personally. We get defensive, and everything gets harder.
When our focus is on service, those same moments become opportunities to serve better. They feel less like threats to us personally. They might even become assets, helping us lead toward our purpose and the people, the organization, and the greater good we’re here for.
The Roots
Self-focus often looks like vanity or self-involvement. Underneath, it’s frequently self-protection. Many of these leaders have been undermined or told they have to prove themselves. They’ve faced self-doubt and doubt from others, often rooted in systems of oppression, because the identities they hold aren’t often seen in senior leadership roles.
If you’ve spent a career overcoming unfair obstacles, it makes sense that when you finally arrive, you feel you’ve earned it. People should finally respect all the work it took to get here. But that stance doesn’t serve us, and it doesn’t serve our leadership.
The antidote is grounding ourselves in a purpose of serving others.
Purpose Over Role
With my coaching clients, one of the first things we do is create a life purpose statement. It’s a very short sentence that reminds them of their ultimate purpose, not just in their job or their leadership but in their life. Coming back to it can nourish them and remind them of their deeper why. A good life purpose statement always points toward serving others, our communities, or the greater good.
Another thing clients find helpful is separating the role from their humanity. If I’m a vice president and many on campus are angry about a decision I’ve made, they’re upset with the decision the vice president made. That’s different from Keith and who I am. Most of the people who are angry don’t know me personally. Remembering that helps me not take the criticism personally. It might even help me see that if I only knew what they knew, I might be angry too.
The Dark Side of Service
Of course, service has a shadow too. Service can become overwhelming, and we can slide into martyrdom, where service becomes a way of propping ourselves up.
As much as I believe in service, I often encourage my clients to be a little more selfish. It’s the familiar airplane instruction: put your own oxygen mask on first so you can help others. We have to tend to ourselves so we can be of service.
Questions for Reflection
- What are you taking personally right now, and how might that be a sign you’re focused on yourself? How can you shift toward service?
- Where has your role become your identity, and how can you create some separation?
- Is the way you’re serving sustainable, or are you sliding into martyrdom?
These are the conversations I get to have with leaders as they find their own answers to these questions. If this sounds like an exploration that might be helpful for you, let’s connect.
